The All-Name team is back baby! This will be the second installment of the All-Name team, and it has some big shoes to fill from last year. We had guys like Rock Ya-Sin and Gardner Minshew last year, and the onus on this year’s class to keep the ball rolling is not easy. But I have faith, so let’s do it.
QB: Tua Tagovailoa, ALA
Probably the favorite of the whole team. I’ll never forget when I first found out who he was in the national championship game. I remember thinking, ‘I kind of hope this guy stinks so I don’t have to learn his name or say that all the time.’ But then I found out his first name was Tua and all was well in the world again. The name ‘Tua’ kind of reminds me of an Egyptian Pharaoh or something, but I think it’s just because it sounds like the legend King Tut. People forget King Tut is one of the GOAT’s of curses.
RB: JaMycal Hasty, BAY
You thought I was going with Clyde Edwards-Helaire. NOPE. I mean Clyde is an exceptional name, but he wasn’t even really in consideration. The real choice was between JaMycal and Sewo Olonilua from TCU. I had to go with JaMycal Hasty though. I mean, the guy’s name is Hasty and he’s a runningback. Yes, Deandre Swift has the same thing going on, but Hasty is way more fun than Swift. Plus, he gets extra points for spelling JaMycal in an extremely obnoxious way.
WR: Hasise Dubois, UVA
I had to go deep in the bowels to find this gem. I’ve legitimately never heard of anyone named Hasise so the points for originality here are next level. I tried to look up what Hasise means and no dice. But ‘Hadise’ means new? Regardless, his name is fun to say, and the Dubois gives him a certain classy French touch.
TE: Albert Okwuegbunam, MIZ
Was there ever any doubt? Even the first name Albert is pretty legendary. How many Albert’s do you know? I bet you definitely remember them. You’re not named Albert if you’re unmemorable. What triggers me about his last name is broadcasters continuously just call him ‘Albert O’ and it’s not right. You literally get paid to say names and describe action, so learn his name. That said, his name does look like a sketchy scrabble word when you first see it in writing. I bet he was pissed whenever his class did fun little name-writing activities in elementary school. I had to write ‘Zach Zook’. Eight letters. Albert’s over there writing 17.
OL: Prince Tega-Wenagho, AUB
Again, it bothers me when people call him Prince Tega, and just straight up omit part of his name. That said, his mom knocked it out of the park with the first name. It’s not as uncommon of a first name as you’d think, but legendary all the same. Kind of a sneaky move by his mom too naming him Prince so she can call him that without embarrassing him.
DL: Larrell Murchison, N.C. State
The first ten times I read his name I kept making the mistake of reading it as Larry. I can’t tell if this name is derived from a spin on the name Larry or Darrell, but to be honest I don’t care. Imagine one of your friends being named Larrell and telling your parents that you’re, “Going over to Larrell’s house.” It’s just so swaggy.
EDGE: K’Lavon Chaisson, LSU
There are not many people who’s first and last names rhyme, and I wonder how many times he’ll end up in rap songs if he makes it big. It reminds me of the Wedding Singer when Drew Berrymore’s character is about to marry the crappy fiancé and her married name would’ve been Julia Gulia. Hilarious. Julia Hart sounds much better. But I must admit in this case, K’Lavon pulls it off. I think it’s the K and the apostrophe that lets him sneak by – which, by the way, I’d love to know the reasoning behind. He had to be named after someone and if his mom thought that one up herself, then props for uniqueness.
LB: Akeem Davis-Gaither, App State
His name sounds so proper and mighty. Sir Akeem Davis-Gaither of Mount Appalachia. Sounds like he should have a castle in his name or something. He also sounds like he could be a politician with the Davis once his football career is over. Full disclosure, I nearly went with Shaq Quarterman here over Akeem just because of how bad ass his name sounds, but in the end, I had to go with Sir Davis-Gaither.
CB: Essang Bassey, Wake Forest
I love this guy’s name. His last name sounds like a nickname. Like your friend who had an incident while fishing one time or something. The first name is also clutch and checks all the boxes scouts like me are looking for when constructing the all-name team. Originality, fun to say, uniqueness in both names. Very well done Essang.
S: Nigel Warrior, Tennessee
What a name to cap it off. His name is ‘Warrior’ and he’s a football player. Not only does he play a collision sport for a living, but he plays a position known for hitting too. I like the first name too. Nigel is a classic. Surnames obviously aren’t chosen, but I would love to know the family origin behind that one. Which ancestor in the family just said screw it, we’re the Warrior family now?