By: Zach Zook
Every year the NFL Draft provides us with unbelievably unique names. This year, the names are so plentiful, I’ve decided to put together an all-name team Key and Peele style for the 2019 NFL Draft. Let’s get into it.
QB: Gardner Minshew II - Washington State
This guy has the look to go with his name. He has unreal flow, and a mustache that melted hearts all across the sunshine state last fall. Also, very classy going with the numerals instead of just being a “junior” like everyone else. Big alpha move.
RB: Devine Ozigbo – Nebraska
This is a sly move by Devine’s mom. Switched up the spelling of the first name just enough to not get in trouble with God, but you still get the picture.
WR: Lil’Jordan Humphrey – Texas
I’m not quite sure what’s better. The fact that I can’t really tell if he’s a rapper or an amazing athlete, or that announcers across the country had to say “Lil’Jordan” every time he touched the ball – which was a lot because he’s pretty good.
TE: Foster Moreau – LSU
This came down to the wire between Moreau and Kahale Warring, but in the end I had to go with Moreau because his first name is a beer. Remember those commercials? “Foster’s: Australian for beer.”
OL: Yodny Cajuste – West Virginia - OL: Beau Benzschawel – Wisconsin - OL: Olisaemeka Udoh – Elon
Alright, had to go with a few for the OL here and I think that’s fair since there’s five starters in real life. Beau got points for playing at Wisconsin because that’s the most Wisconsin name I’ve ever heard in my life. As for Udoh, I had to look far and wide for him, but I finally found the crown jewel of them all.
EDGE: Oshane Ximines – Old Dominion
This was another really tough one. We had a Sweat, a Banogu, a Jelks, and a Maxx with two X’s (badass). So we had to toughen the grading and Oshane won out. Would’ve liked to see an apostrophe between “O” and “Shane”, but that’s something he can improve on for next time.
DI: Dre’Mont Jones – Ohio State
I get it, haters. The Jones is pretty common – But the first name is perfection. Dre’Mont could be a castle, a character from Dungeons and Dragons, or a ferocious defensive lineman that eats quarterbacks for lunch.
LB: Ulysees Gilbert III – Akron
Checks all the boxes. A perfect prospect. He has numerals, is named after a famous union general, and is also a #SonofAkron. Let’s face it; he was never NOT going to make the team.
CB: Rock Ya-Sin – Temple
Another pretty easy pick here. My man is a mineral, which must be unbelievably intimidating when opposing wide receivers find out ROCK is going to be guarding them that week. He also has a perfect last name. The “Ya” lets you know he’s chill, and the “Sin” lets you know he’s a bad boy. He’s my MVP of the team quite honestly.
S: Sheldrick Redwine – Miami
I wish I could’ve called one of Sheldrick’s games in college, because his name just rolls off the tongue. If he were in Game of Thrones he would for sure be highborn. “I’m Ser Sheldrick of House Redwine, Warden of the North and Lord of Winterfell!”
That wraps up the first ever All-Name team this year. Be sure to give your input on players you think may have been snubbed and enjoy the draft!